It’s a beautiful relaxing Sunday. Ahhh my type of day.
Been publishing posts as my imagination inspired me these past few days. And I loved all that happy, vibrant, creative, and pulsating energy.
Thanks so much, dear friends, for having dropped by this week. I was so thrilled with your awesome comments and lovely, diverse rainbow insights. I found our conversations so cool, so intelligent, so fun, so inspiring, so stimulating, so engaging.
Decided to treat myself with special “Me Time” today. A sweet visit to the spa is my kind of pampering.
I know that we pretty much multi-task in this day and age. Yup, even when we desire to be more mindful. It’s simply the name of the game. And we learn the rules to stay in the game, so to speak. We choose to adapt to our fast-evolving environments. We contend with the increasingly pressing demands on us at work, at home, at church, at our communities, at our organizations, and what have you.
So, we all need that sweet spot in our lives. That go-to place when we want to unwind. That sacred space when we want to clear our minds. That Shangri-La when we want to rejuvenate. That personal boardroom when we want to recalibrate. That mountain top when we want to gain a fresh perspective.
Wishing you all a “Sweet Soul Spa” Sunday! With much love and gratitude! ❤️
I’m in love with a married man. Silence. There. I admitted it to my husband. There was no denying it. He had to know. For our 20 years together, he deserved to know.
It all started when I saw how similar this mystery man was to my husband. And yet even more strikingly, how different he was altogether.
I met my husband one precious day. It was comfortably warm with a burst of sunshine. The funny thing is, little did I know then that an awesome blessing was rushing my way. I wasn’t ready for the sunshine that was going to explode and overtake me. Oh my heart. Oh my head.
I was conducting a corporate team building workshop and ….. yup, just like that famous scene in a romance film, time stood still when I saw him flash his most infectious, heart-melting smile. The one that made the sun shy away. And his eyes, they beamed along, as they looked my way. Woot woot! Sparks were all over the place! Could you tell that by then I was already gravitating towards him? I found him so handsome, so cute, so endearing, so irresistible.
As we went through the workshop, in his charming quiet confidence, he shared some rich insights. He wasn’t soft-spoken, but he didn’t sound his views blaringly either. He was just so cool. He was just so natural. There was an effortless manner about him. That’s it! That was the clincher. I was drawn to his intelligence and his humility at the same time. As he was feeling his way through the workshop, I sensed that he wasn’t even aware of how amazed I was with his sharp wit and humor.
As love stories would have it, he was likewise magnetized to me and my sunny, effervescent personality. Or is that my biased version of the story? Haha!
So what’s all the fuss about the sun? Well, we loved the warmth and friendly conversations we carried. It’s as if we knew each other forever. Ease. Lots of happy ease. Free from trying to be people we weren’t. There was simply a natural flow in our dynamic and yet, it was charged with exciting electricity. Engaging energy. It felt like a majestic interplay of yin and yang.
These joyous, vibrant, and down-to-earth colors resonate so deeply with my soul to this very day. And that’s the similar road that led me to this mystery man. He makes me feel so happy, so comfortable, so special, so at home. He reminds me so much of the love who stole my heart decades ago.
And yet, as I spend more time with him, he also opens my eyes to a totally new amazing world. He shows me various facets of life that I’ve never ever seen in my earlier years of marriage. He’s just so different from the man that I married. And that’s what makes him so attractive too.
This mystery man has the boldness of a lion. Nothing fazes him. He reminds me that there is always a solution to every problem. He has the vision of an eagle. He is so situationally aware. He knows what’s happening in the world…. even more impressively, in my world. He keeps himself well-informed so that he can make sound judgments. He is passionate about the future. He has the wisdom of an owl. He is quite insightful and abundant with ideas. He challenges my mind. He sees what systems or processes can be improved and is never shy to air his suggestions. He has the tenderness of a puppy. When he is with me, and we are in our own world, he embraces me and snuggles up to me. And that, I love with much fervor. He has the speed of a cheetah. There’s never a dull moment with him. He maps out our adventures and is an architect at compartmentalizing his time. I’m blown away with his many achievements and accomplishments. He works hard. He plays hard. He lives life. He loves life. He has the commanding presence of a tiger. He loves me fiercely and intensely. He circles me and readily defends me at the onslaught of any attack. He always protects me with all his might.
Ahhh! The more I think about his qualities, the more I fall deeply, madly, indescribably in love with this mystery man.
It’s been so overwhelming lately, though. My thoughts. My feelings. My sanity. My core. Until guilt totally consumed me one night. I had to finally confess my budding romance with this mystery man. I had to finally break the silence …. and the noise within me. I had to finally tell my husband.
So what’s the point of it all? There is, in fact, a powerful point. For this may speak volumes to some people out there who may feel “trapped” in their marriages.
You see, I am no longer the same woman that my husband married years back. And neither is he the same man with whom I exchanged marriage vows. We both have changed. Vastly. We both have evolved. Vastly.
And so, that fateful night, I finally introduced my husband to this mystery man.
At the dinner table, as we were about to have our cheese platter, I started fidgeting. Awkwardness filled the room. I was waiting for him to ask me about the “important announcement” that I had been dying to make. But he simply sat there. Silent.
It wasn’t going well. To think that it had panned out earlier in my mind. So, I finally mustered the courage to speak. I dove into his eyes and tried to make a meaningful connection. Then slowly, I reached out for his hand and gave him a mirror. With a quizzical look, he asked if it was all a joke. I was uncharacteristically expressionless. Then, after a few seconds, I cajoled him into looking at the mirror.
A smile peeked from his face. And a smile peeked from mine. I raised my glass to him and finally blurted out my “confession”.
“Yes, I’m in love with a married man …….. And that married man ……. is YOU ……. CHEERS HONEY!!! I love you always and forever!”
Wow the sweetest, most delicious relief filled the air. Our wine glasses clinked playfully and we both burst into happy laughter. Oh, and we had the grandest night of all! ❤️
I was bullied. And I didn’t fight back. I was stunned. I was shaken. I was broken. I died for a few minutes. In pain and humiliation, in agony and regret, in tears and disbelief. I was paralyzed. I was speechless. I did nothing.
This scene is a flashback to my earlier days of wanting to write with sharpened skill. I applied with an organization that espoused “good writing”. Today, I choose to keep the name of that organization a mystery. I want the focus to be primarily on the lessons I learned along the way.
One fateful day, during the much revered, or should I aptly say, much feared “Initiation Day”, I was asked to go to a house where the applicants were supposed to be formally welcomed to the group. Or so I thought. But I was brutally mistaken.
The air became palpably stiff when the applicants were blindfolded. With no warning. No briefing. Just military-like dominance. Although my gut squirmed immediately and my mind began racing with disgusting thoughts, I talked myself into “staying cool”, looking confident, and ready to partner with the organization’s leaders and members.
A few
minutes into the “Welcoming Rites”, we were instructed to wait for our turn to
be called into “The Room”. The waiting was killing me. Mind you, I’m a very patient
person on a normal day. But I have to admit that I’ve got a wild imagination,
what with all the suspense thriller movies that I devour.
When it
was finally my turn to be “welcomed” by the committee, I felt all eyes glaringly
checking me out from head to foot. Yes I could see them. I could feel them.
Even a billion blindfolds would not make me impenetrable to their vicious
stares.
First
silence. The longest, most dreaded kind. My mind went all over the place. I could
hardly contain my nervous energy. I felt my heart running its race as if it
were chased and challenged to survive. Then all of a sudden, I felt a chill as
I heard a laughter behind me. The sickening kind that befriends the dark. I
braced myself for impact and felt someone’s heavy hands over my shoulders. Then
others started snickering in unison.
At that moment, I wanted to run. Immediately. To save my life. But then again, I screeched in halt. I wanted to maintain my dignity. Or whatever was left of it. I didn’t want to be labeled as a coward.
So that’s how they did it …. Torture. The crazy waiting, the guessing game, the physical intimidation …. That was the calm before the storm.
Then boom!!! Voices started hurling accusations and insults from all corners of the room. First, they attacked my colorful “happy” wardrobe. But I thought to myself, “What could be so happy about a simple pair of jeans and a white top?” I did my best to be low-key in fashion as I was advised that I needed to blend easily to be accepted. The heckling continued when they said I spoke with sharpness and clarity ….that I was better off joining an organization to hone my elocutionary skills. But I whispered in my head, “I’m already comfortable with public speaking. I just want to be comfortable with written communication. Is that a crime?” The ghastly haunt went on. My memory chooses to edit that portion. Then, from the center of the room, a looming voice attacked the watch I was wearing. Two voices chorused that I wore different watches on different days and that was not “timely” for that organization. I was not going to fit well. I was NOT welcome. Period.
What?!?!?!?!?! That’s when my soul screamed the loudest.I love my watches, every single one of them! Not because of their fancy looks, not because of their esteemed brands, not even because they tell good time, but because my parents gave them to me. With love. With loads of love unspeakable!
How dare they even attempt to touch on that. My watches stand for time. The value of time. For every passing second will just be that. A memory. And one can only look back. But one cannot bring back time. And so that was the deal breaker. That was my point before my V1 speed, the point before I would actually “commit to fly” with the organization.
Yes, I
cried that day. In my body, in my mind, in my spirit. But that was remarkably
the “Initiation Day” I needed in life. Not everything is easy on the eye,
calming to the ear, or comforting to the soul. Not everything.
But it’s
okay. I have learned to be okay with that.
For amidst life’s storms and pressures, amidst life’s distasteful surprises (sprinkled even on a sunshiny path), I can defiantly face these giants. I can boldly claim my space in our world. I can take the blows and fight the good fight. I simply shake the dust off my feet, hold my head up high, and wink at them. Yes, NOT ON MY WATCH! ❤️
There you were, bursting with joy! Hurrah! Then there they were, aggressively bursting your joy! No, blitzkrieging your joy. Stealing your joy. Raping your joy. Clobbering your joy. Beating breathless your joy. Killing your joy. Eventually.
What?!?! The huge disparity? The Theory of “Polarity” at play?
I find it so unthinkable, so puzzling, so mind-boggling, how some people practically loathe and despise the happiness of others, as if it were malaria, as if it were a much-dreaded incurable disease, as if it were the proverbial plague to avoid.
It makes me wonder beyond comprehension why some people actually “die” at the “birth” or even more interestingly, at the “rebirth” of others. Just when others see the silver lining, just when they wish over the rainbow, just when they hope against all odds, just when they work their asses off, just when they have a new lease on life, just when they renegotiate with life on their own terms, just when they firm their footing on land, just when they regain their bearings at sea, just when they steady their heading in the air.
Oh, help my mind see through their twisted compass.
And when my thoughts swing to the opposite side of the pendulum, I wonder again.
Why are some people “born” or insanely “reborn” at the “death” of others? “Misery loves company”, they say. Well, I say misery is a sick bitch that needs a lot of guidance, advice, counseling, healing, restoration, and “enlightened rebirth”. I mean, what mind, what heart, what being would actually celebrate the loss, the defeat, the pain, the devastation, the storm, the tornado, the avalanche, the sickness, the death of others?
Oh, help my mind see through their twisted “True North”.
Passion overtakes me as I embrace the precious gift of free will.Yes, we always have a choice. We all do.
It’s a given, though. We will never be able to control all the forces. Well, who would even want to do that anyway? That would be tiringly impossible. But we can proactively shape the next steps, the next scenes, the next scenarios, the next chapters.
As I mull over these mysteries, a script plays in my head.
You smiled. They cried. Then what? You cried. They smiled. Then what?
The answer lies in the door. It’s as simple as the more they’ll see of you …….. or no more. ❤️
To blog or not to blog…. that was my question…. I’m sure that not even Shakespeare could’ve helped me with that one haha! I had to do my own homework. I had to do my own soul searching. I needed to have a conference with myself and ask the question that never escaped my heart nor my head. I dug deep into my core to know the very reason, the very motivation, the very inspiration that resonated with my desire to blog in the first place.
And so the movie in my mind began. My inner dialogue unfolded.
“I’m going to start writing down my thoughts. Hmmm, really? Is that a wise thing to do? Yes, surely I’ll gain a much clearer perspective when I see my musings crystallized on paper. Oh, but is that a safe action to take? Wouldn’t that be exposing my passion and pain, my joys and tears , my sunshine and rain, my yin and yang, my hopes and fears, my inclinations and biases, my thoughts and feelings, my insights and ruminations, my heart and head, my very being? Ahhh oh wow, how liberating, how empowering! But then whoa, how revealing, how daunting! Most especially if I ever get subjected to brutal criticism. Sigh.”
I used to struggle. I used to wrestle with that question. I used to second-guess myself. In different moments of my life, I attempted to wear different hats, thinking that the more viewpoints I entertained, the faster it would be for me to arrive at the optimal decision. It became a boxing match between my heart and my head, my head and my heart.
Then came that defining moment in my life. One evening right after dinner, I took my medicines as part of my special kidney care. I silently thanked Our Heavenly Father for all His sweetest guidance and grace, His gentlest love and care. After a few minutes of prayer, I had an instant welling of inspiration to turn my laptop on and start typing. So I pressed into that golden moment and pressed the computer keys. I started pouring out my heart and soul. Although my brain was trying to snap me out of the moment, I kept on typing. I kept on pressing on, both literally and figuratively. And I was overcome with such joy, such peace.
I’ve always dreamt that the two roads in my life would meet at a blissful, serene spot in my core. That night, I cried because I knew that was the blessed moment. My heart and my head had finally embraced each other.
Today, as I am an infant blogger (Haha this is simply my second blog post!), I know that I have a long, long way to go. And I realize that as challenging as it may be, I face this new chapter in my life with brimming hope and inspiration.
I look forward to seeing more and more of life without filters. I am willing to expose my strengths and vulnerabilities in hopes of sharing my lessons learned. I am going to show up in the arena of life. I am ready to write my story, as we all have our own rich stories to tell. I am raring to go on this adventure. To share my insights that may touch a chord in the hearts of some readers. I can hardly wait to capture the photos on my head and the messages in my heart. I am so excited to authentically celebrate all of me in the varying hues and shades of the rainbow. To amplify both the beat in my heart and the song in my head.
I choose to live fully in my space in our world. I choose to respectfully journal my significant moments and thoughts in life. I choose to leave my legacy of love.
Once upon a time, my heart said yes. And my head said no.
Well, now we all know the “happy ending” to this lovely, interesting crossroad. ❤️
IT'S ALL ABOUT LOVE 